My Little Fortress
by Mr. 86
Summary: "The Quick and the Rainbow", "Paging Nurse Fluttershy" and soon to have many more.
1. The Quick and the Rainbow

**The Quick and the Rainbow**  
>A Very Bizarre Crossover Fic<br>by Mr. 86

* * *

><p>"Hold it right there!"<p>

The BLU Soldier had his rocket launcher propped up and ready to fire. Just one shot would blow any unsuspecting idiot into bite-sized pieces. And that was exactly what he planned to do to the RED Scout who had just worked up the gall to try his hand at swiping the intelligence. Little did he know that luck was not on his side that day.

The RED Scout's eyes darted around the room, searching for something, ANYTHING, that he could take advantage of to escape an explosive fate. In reality, though, he was just stalling for time. His partner would be ready to go soon, and he had to make sure he lived long enough to pull off the briefcase heist successfully.

"Where do you think you're going with that, maggot?" The Soldier shouted at him. Scout grinned and turned on his Boston charm. "I was thinkin' I'd take it home. How's that sound?" Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a blur rapidly approaching.

_Three..._

"Not on my watch!" said the Soldier in his typical gruff tone.

_Two..._

"Why don't you come over here and fight me like a man, then, ah?" Scout's plan was working like a charm. Either the Soldier would drop his rocket launcher, or...

_One..._

"Why don't you eat crit, punk?" The Soldier fired the rocket launcher on his shoulder. An enormous ballistic projectile came careening toward Scout.

_Zero._

Scout leaped out of the way of the rocket as it crashed through the window behind him. He jumped back to where he had been, back turned to the open window, and gave a mocking salute to the Soldier. "Later, dumbass!"

Scout jumped backward through the broken window, briefcase in hand, falling down into the chasm below. As the Soldier ran up to the edge, he couldn't believe his eyes: A rainbow-colored blur intercepted Scout in midair and soared back up to make eye contact with the Soldier.

_What the-?_ The dumbfounded Soldier asked himself. _Is that a-?_

"Better luck next time, jerkwad!" said the winged rainbow pony which Scout was now riding. It and its passenger slapped a high-five. The Soldier dropped his rocket launcher... and his jaw.

"You ready to go?" asked Rainbow Dash.  
>"You bet I am!" answered Scout, wiping his watering eyes. Rainbows made him cry, but he was working on it. "Let's ditch these losers!"<p>

The speedy pair zoomed off into the sunset with the intelligence, leaving the Soldier completely in disbelief.

_How did this happen?_


	2. Paging Nurse Fluttershy

**Paging Nurse Fluttershy**  
>A Very Bizarre Crossover Sequel<br>by Mr. 86

* * *

><p>The sounds of destruction and mayhem were all around them. BLU forces were everywhere, and just about everyone, human or pony, were desperately fighting to hold their position. Everyone, that is, except a certain pale yellow pegasus.<p>

Fluttershy didn't want to be the type to abandon her friends when they needed her, but she was unarmed, untrained and above all, shy. The dragon had been bad enough, but they weren't in Equestria anymore. If they weren't careful, they could die here.

She'd seen it happen. Whether it was by way of a Demoman's sticky bombs, a Heavy's minigun or something as simple as a Scout's baseball bat, their human allies seemed to fall again and again. She didn't care if they were clones, or whatever they were, and she didn't care how many times they came back with a vengeance. Fluttershy hated watching these noble warriors die, and she didn't want to see it happen to her friends.

If only there was some other way...

Fluttershy's fearful contemplation was interrupted by a pair of black boots stomping through the doors. A voice with a strange accent (one that she'd only ever heard from Photo Finish) called out to her. "Fluttershy? Are you in here?" Recognizing the voice, she breathed a sigh of relief and stepped out into plain view.

Obviously, any sighs of relief taken in the presence of the Medic were to be taken with a grain of salt.

The Medic was a tall, lanky fellow, and with Fluttershy's natural disposition, he seemed to tower over her. He had a look on his face similar to the one she'd had just a few moments earlier. "I'm going to need your help," he told her. "Ve need to deliver some emergency medical supplies." Fluttershy's ears perked up in response.

"Is someone hurt?" She immediately asked. The Medic chuckled a bit. "No, no. But zhey might be unless ve can bring ze supplies in time. Give me a hand. Erm, hoof." Fluttershy nodded in affirmation and the two quickly got to work, stocking up on medicines, needles and bandages and loading them into a suitcase and a pair of saddlebags.

When they were ready to go, the Medic looked at Fluttershy's still unsure face. "Something wrong, Fluttershy?" he asked. Fluttershy sighed.

"I'm glad that we're able to help your team, but..."  
>"But vhat?"<br>"I just don't like seeing my friends out in battle like that. I don't want to see them hurt."

The Medic stroked his chin in deep thought. Suddenly, an idea came to him. "Perhaps zhey won't have to be. Come with me. I have something I'd like to show you."

The Medic led Fluttershy to a storage locker, twisting the combination lock until it finally opened. Inside was the machine which had saved lives and ended others. A miraculous device which could bring men back to the peak of health... and beyond. It was that which could make gods: The Medigun. Nobody knew quite how it worked. Not even the Medic. All he knew was that it worked.

"What... what is that?" Fluttershy asked timidly. The Medic grinned and tensed his fingers. "Zis, my equine friend, is exactly vhat you've been looking for. Ve don't have much time, so hold still for a moment."

For several minutes, the Medic made measurements and calculations, then he pushed Fluttershy out of the room. For the next while, she could hear mechanical noises of drills and saws and the like. Eventually, his voice called out. "You can come in now! It's finished!"

She walked into the room and a huge grin found its way onto her face. The Medic smiled as well. "Let's see ze Engineer build one of zese!" While the Engie was brilliant, only the Medic knew the secrets of his trade.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the RED Soldier and Heavy were under heavy fire and injured badly. What was worse, there were Snipers everywhere. Good ones, too. One false step and their heads would be turned into chunky salsa. They needed a miracle. Fortunately for them, what nature had neglected, the fruits of modern science were about to provide.<p>

The sound of boots and hooves could be heard rushing toward them. Without warning, the Medic vaulted over the rock they were using as cover, instinctively switching on his Medigun and letting the healing energy slowly start to revive the Soldier. The Heavy clutched his chest. He was a large, sturdy fellow, but even he could only take so many bullets. This was not a problem, luckily. Narrowly dodging the Snipers' bullets, Fluttershy took cover. Accompanying the supply bags was the product of the Medic's labor: A brand new Medigun, custom-made and fitted to her back. On her right side was the device's nozzle, with a cable running to a button-shaped... thing... in her mouth. When bitten down on, it would activate the machine, and when the healing was finished...

Soon, the Soldier and Heavy were back to their old selves. The bullets they had taken were now lying on the ground beside them, without even so much as a scar to show for it. Small electrical noises could be heard emanating from the devices.

It was time.

The Medic flicked a switch and Fluttershy pulled the cable. The Soldier and Heavy stormed out into the fray with their healers behind them. A red covering of some kind enveloped them. The enemy were in deep this time.

The Snipers didn't bother taking a shot. Everyone else ran for cover. A few well-aimed rockets and a barrage of minigun fire reduced their forces to one-tenth of what it had been before in the course of only eight seconds.

As the four of them stepped back into the base, Fluttershy spoke up.

"Thank you. I don't think I could stand to see another senseless death."  
>"Anything for an ally, Fluttershy. You always seemed more like ze healing type anyvay."<p>

The Heavy grabbed Fluttershy and gave her a friendly noogie, chuckling loudly. "You did well, little pony! You make everyone proud! But... why did you have eyes closed while we were shooting?" Fluttershy sighed. "I just don't like the sight of blood."

"Vell," responded the Medic, "If you're going to be an effective Medic... ve'll need to vork on zat."


End file.
